


vent ;; tw.

by jjongkeys



Category: SHINee
Genre: Kim Jonghyun - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 21:34:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13085814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjongkeys/pseuds/jjongkeys
Summary: this hurts.





	vent ;; tw.

**Author's Note:**

> this hurts.

cross-posted from another site im on.  
im hurtying so, very badly right now.  
jonghyun was.. my rock, honestly. i don’t think anybody understands just how much he means to me (not meant. means. he will forever mean the wo rl d to me.). he was such a talented, lovely idol. and idol, yes, and sso much more than that.  
I’ve loved jonghyun since i was twelve years old. i was going through some of the worst years of my life and shinee – jjong in particular, was that one thing i could turn to. he could always make me smile – ALWAYS, without fail. he was one of the most important people in my life; especially for this .. struggling girl shaping into a young adult. i wouldn’t be here today without shinee & jonghyun and i don’t doubt that at all. i can’t stop hurting. i tried to watch a happy video of him to cheer myself up and i cried in front of my friends. i can’t believe this is happening. i don’t want to believe it. i want to wake up tomorrow to discover “oh, hey! that was just a horrible nightmare!”.  
im so awfully hurt and disappointed.  
i wish there was something i could’ve done. ive poured my heart out writing my letter to be printed for his funeral, hoping it would help, and i just feel worse now. because he shouldn’t be having a funeral. he should be safe, sound, happy – surrounded by love and support. he should’ve been saved.  
it hurts so bad. it hurts that jonghyun – my jjong, who helped me through the same thing we lost him to – is gone. it’s not fair. i would give the world to hear his beautiful vocals just one more time. to watch his goofy krump and hear his beautiful laugh; the laugh that was music to my ears. i know he’s at peace now but it’s just. wrong. so wrong. he had so much life to live and so many things to experience. he didn’t deserve to be tormented like that. this whole thing is just. like an awful dream. i’m honestly in denial, all through out the day it continues to pop into my mind that he’s gone and i hate it. i hate to feel like this and i hate that he felt even worse. i wish he’d received more support, both physically and mentally – and i’m honestly probably partly to blame for that. because i never went out of my way to say “you’re doing well, jjong, i love you” until it was too late. i never got to thank him for everything he’s done for me. it’s all over and it’s destroying me. i feel so empty.  
goodbye, my shining star. you did very well; sleep tight.


End file.
